Today, having a day off, I decide to investigate the meadow hole. I am the master of ignoring what I should be doing, like writing and sewing up torn jeans. In the past few hours I have experienced Kafkaesque moments trying to fathom and infiltrate bureaucracies of such complexity I wonder why the corridors of power are not as knotted and twisted as a plate of spaghetti. I have, however, come to the bottom of the large hole/trench (see attached picture above) in the meadow. Indeed for the past few hours I have felt like Alice falling down a rabbit hole; I kept waiting to be put on hold for the White Rabbit or have my call transferred to the Cheshire Cat or would I like to email the Mad Hatter with my questions. In the end I discover that there had been a notice placed at the beginning of the footpath near the meadow explaining the reason for the digging and one quick contact number, unfortunately the recent downpours had dislodged it. I am assured it will be replaced for other hole gazers to consult without recourse to my rather labyrinthine experience. One conversation with a very serious woman went something as follows.
“Hello, I’m phoning up to ask about a hole in a local meadow”
“We don’t deal with all holes it depends on the purpose of the hole and whether it is a private or public hole but certain private holes are within our remit dependent upon their purpose. Can you tell me the purpose of the hole?”
“If I knew the purpose I wouldn’t be ringing you, I want to know its purpose.”
“Sorry are you saying it’s a random hole?”
“No, it obviously isn’t random as someone is digging it with a purpose.”
“And that purpose would be?”
“I don’t know but they must have one.”
“So who are they?”
“I don’t know who they are if I did it might help me know what their purpose is.”
“So it definitely has a purpose then?”
“I don’t know.”
“So it could be random hole appearance.”
“How do you define random?”
“Holes without a specific purpose.”
“All man-made holes must be dug with a purpose in mind, surely?”
“You’d be surprised, sometimes holes appear that no one admits to digging.”
“You mean like crop circles, there are spontaneous appearances of unidentified holes.”
“Oh yes but they are usually just mistakes that no one wants to own up to especially if they haven’t got the correct hole permit for that specific location.”
“You have to have a permit for a hole?”
“Yes illegal holes are really serious.”
“So someone will have had to get a permit for the hole in the meadow?”
“It depends on the purpose. What is the purpose of the hole?”
“I don’t know that’s what I want to know.”
Note to self: attach self to chair with ball of string and maintain hold in order to find your way back to sanity during another such an experience.
If it had been possible to build the Tower of Babel without climbing it, it would have been permitted.
Franz Kafka
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