Thursday, 22 May 2008

Convolvulus, Jomo Kenyatta and Cheese Stings(It's Strings,you idiot)

I have been tagged by Mrs Slocombe (see links list on right)

The rules: Each player answers the questions below about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
Wondering if I need to give my daughter more nutritional snacks and extra fish oil so she can revise for her GCSEs more productively. Assuring my elderly mother that we were indeed related, that the next door neighbour wasn’t evil, she had enough artificial flowers and that her parents would arrive shortly and so wandering off down the road was not a good idea. I was getting into a size 14 dress ( ah those were the days ) and just starting to have menopausal night sweats that felt as if I had contracted some malarial based disease from Fen midges.

2. What are 5 things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?
i: Just finished work but as sun shining I should fight with convolvulus and kid myself I’ve won.
ii: Clean out the fridge as I’ve just realised that if I don’t the convolvulus may get in there too.
iii: Phone a friend about something I should have phoned them about ages ago but now it is so late that phoning about what I should have phoned them about ages ago looks pathetically too late.
iv: Watch the next episode of Heroes and ponder that my daughter stalked the Indian Doctor character at a recent Heroes convention in Northampton of all places ( but then why shouldn’t heroes come from Northampton). I tend to think that, as she pointed out he was even better looking in the flesh, that such stalking activities may be allowable as long as they don’t involve pants enclosed in letters or tying him to a bed and breaking his legs to prevent escape. I know my daughter to be far too sensible for such things, she assures me she stalked him in a time framed, post modern, post feminist ironic sort of way and was actually researching the convention for material and outlets for her graphic novel work plus drinking and dancing.
v: Get to bed earlier than last night as post football UEFA Cup Final I found myself watching You Tube clips of James Stewart in Harvey at 1pm which took me by surprise, I expected to find myself in bed by 11pm but then I expect to find myself in a lot of places and somehow I end up somewhere else.

3) What Snacks do you enjoy?.
Bright neon pink taramasalata on white processed bread, Wispa bars dipped in coffee and the resultant gooey middle sucked out whilst the chocolate casing remains in tact. Dunking has to be timed to perfection to ensure maximum sucking effect without the loss of the structural integrity of the whole chocolate bar. It is best done privately or sensuously in the company of someone you feel will misconstrue like in that scene in Tom Jones with the chicken eating etc. Hula hoops , cheese strings but that is reserved for very depressing days and time has to be spent in pulling out each processed cheesy strand until you are left with a fly whisk effect rather like that thing Jomo Kenyatta used to carry like a septre. Pumpkin and sunflower seeds are kept for when feeling all the above has taken its toll on my digestive system and I want to kid them at work that I eat them all the time.

4) Things you would do if you were a billionaire?
Enjoy it in a deeply socialist, caring , sharing sort of way. Fund someone to invent tasty fat free cheese strings ( see above) and look for an old Renault 4 ( my first car) and restore it to immaculate condition but with a few additions like real leather heated seats, air conditioning, surround sound CD Player, Sat Nav that has Alan Rickman’s voice, a bigger engine that allows it to go from 0 to 60 in less than twenty-four hours, a customised paint job but nothing vulgar like flames or mock graffiti, maybe a tiger though , although a curious meerkat on the door may complement the Renault 4’s sit up and beg shape. Oh and shoes, lots of sparkly shoes.

5) Places you have lived?
Nottingham (old grim estate). Cambridge ( surburbia). Back to Nottingham ( grim estate).York. Terraced house in a mining village near Leeds. London , Wandsworth before it was up marketed , a stones throw from the Arndale Centre and Youngs Brewery( just one street short of Putney..the Shangrila of postal codes). Peterborough ( grim new housing estate). Brington near Stamford , Lincs ( a Jane Austen sort of coaching horse changing place, where fleeing Regency Bucks swapped horses whilst eloping to Gretna Green with underage heiresses who’s fortunes would solve their gaming debts). I lived in a country idle, a leaky cold cottage to escape to, whilst working on afore mentioned grim housing estate. A flat in a converted convent near Tunbridge Wells which had seen the light and had become a Community Home for recalcitrant teenage girls. It had a wood in the ground in which, we were told, adders lived and thrived; this threat kept the teenagers housed there from escaping through the woods although they did regularly manage to get mini cabs to pick them up from London and they would disappear off into the night back to The Smoke ( so much initiative I always thought and so unapplauded at the time). The Fens, first in a flat by a river with one also running down our bedroom walls, electric blankets created a steamy sauna effect with a slight sparking frisson of danger. Thereafter here in a small council house in the same small market town that will do me fine until they carry me away in an ample wooden box or alternatively wrap me up in the copious convolvulus (see things to do list above) and give me a truly green funeral; organic, biodegradable, no carbon footprint and not just a sustainable resource but one that could take over the world if allowed to.

6) Tagees:
Oh dear this is where I become Nelly No Mates, in the blogger playground. If anyone would like to be tagged then I’m happy to do so. Answering the questions was quite painless and made me think a bit which is dangerous it also stopped me cutting down any convolvulus; which is quite pretty in its own twisted way.

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